mind the gap

Please excuse me as this website gets reinvented. It has been in its current state for far too long, and as far as I know the only use for it has been for my mother to occasionally fill out the contact form when she remembers that I have a website and can't log in to facebook.

Sometimes I am quite tempted to delete all my digital data, such as this website. It is a tendeny I have learned to resist. But for the current moment, I don't really feel like having much of a website at all. If you can use the internet at all, you can probably get in touch with me pretty easily, what with my name being so weird.

When I started programming, I was filled with wonder, seeing the web as a playground in which I would never tire. At some point, perhaps after a few years of getting paid to churn out drab code that failed to inspire my imagination but got the job done, I stopped adding playfulness to my code. And I stopped putting effort into projects on the side.

Occasionally I would discover a technology that reignited that feeling of wonder, but it seemed to me that these moments became ever more brief and fewer.

As I am coming up towards the end of finishing (god, will it ever end?) an ambitious and lengthy project for my work, I realize that the delight I once took in programming is nearly all gone. Years spent living in a way that does not honour the human spirit have a way of chipping away all sense of playfulness.

More than most things, I would like to rediscover that sense of wonder. I experience moments in which this seems impossible. Yet, I also experience other moments, snatches of hope that the childlike joy from my earliest days of programming seem to dance on my fingertips.